Why The Holidays Feel Heavy (Even When We Love Them)

[00:00:00] Good morning, everyone. Welcome back to Glow in the Chaos. I'm your host, Alyssa. Today we are talking about something that so many of us feel, but we rarely say out loud. Today is Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving. So I know a lot of you are probably feeling emotions about this topic that I'm going to talk about today with it being the holidays. So we are going to talk about how the holidays can bring joy but still completely drain us at the same time. [00:00:26] Because, listen, loving Christmas, loving your family, loving the traditions doesn't magically make us immune to stress, sensory overload, or emotional weight. [00:00:37] And if you've ever wondered, why am I excited and overwhelmed? You're not crazy. Okay, let's talk about it. [00:00:45] There's something about November and December. It, like, flips a switch, and suddenly we're expected to be festive, grateful host things go places, buy gifts, remember everyone's favorite dish, keep the kids alive and happy, and do it all with a smile, all while still juggling real life, work, chronic illness, adhd, finances, relationships, grief, everything. [00:01:11] The holidays are marketed like a warm Hallmark movie, but in reality, it can feel more like you're trying to wrap presents on a treadmill. And that pressure to perform, to impress, and to do it right, it truly takes a toll. [00:01:24] This year, I've been talking to my husband a lot about it. Like, I. This is my favorite time of the year, and the fact that I just barely got my Christmas tree up, and tomorrow is Thanksgiving for me, that's a big deal, because as a kid, our tradition was the weekend after Thanksgiving we would put up our Christmas tree. So, like, it wasn't too soon. So as an adult, I decided whenever I wanted to put my Christmas tree up, however early I was gonna do it, and my husband has always been all for it. So, typically, the first week in November, I had my tree up ready to go. Well, we just now finally put it up last weekend, which I'm so glad, but I almost feel like I missed out on valuable Christmas tree time, which I know is so silly, but Christmas decorations and the holidays are something that bring me so much joy, and I just couldn't quite figure out why. This year, I'm just not feeling that. And like. [00:02:21] And that alone like that knowing that I just don't quite feel as excited for the holidays as I usually do. That alone was a little bit, like, it's a little depressing. [00:02:32] So the. The holidays definitely bring up, like, so many different emotional layers that I feel like we don't talk about. [00:02:43] They bring up things that we've kind of shoved down all year long, like missing someone or wishing a relationship was different. Wanting conn, but like, also feeling socially exhausted, Remembering traditions that we used to love but can't maintain anymore. That is a big one for me. [00:03:02] Like, the traditions, I mean, I really don't have a whole lot of active, like, traditions that, that, you know, I go out and do, like, as far as activity, but just like the tradition of putting the tree up as early as I want to. Like, it really deeply bothers me that I couldn't find motivation to get myself up and put it up earlier. [00:03:22] So when you start to kind of think about the traditions that you used to have that maybe you are a little bit too tired to do now that you're getting older and dealing with these chronic health issues or mental health issues, it can really weigh you down. The fact that you are looking at the past and realizing, hey, I, I have to alter how I'm living. I can't quite do that anymore. [00:03:47] Navigating blended families, divorces, or difficult people, those always drain us. Those issues are always going to drain us. But when you have the holidays on top of that, it just kind of, it's like pouring salt in the wound, right? Like reopening things. Luckily, I don't have to deal with that, so I'm, so I, I'm just gonna say a prayer for everybody who has to deal with the blended families and the divorces. Difficult people. [00:04:15] I mean, we all deal with difficult people, I'm sure. But those other two issues, I know can be a huge deal around the holidays. And I'm just gonna, I, I just pray that you all find peace and happiness and joy in whatever your situation is. And remember, just to do the best you can, just try to enjoy it. [00:04:33] Another thing that's really difficult is trying to appear fine even when we're in survival mode. You can love the holidays and deeply still feel grief, anxiety, or loneliness inside all of that. Both can be true. [00:04:47] Both are very hard. Like, those are very conflicting things. So it's, it's difficult. It's like our nervous system is basically like, girl, please. [00:04:57] For a lot of us, especially spoonies, ADHD women, anxious girlies, moms, the holiday season can completely fry our nervous system. [00:05:07] Loud environments, constant decisions, endless to do lists, financial stress, sensory overload, social expectations, disrupted routines. [00:05:17] It's not weakness, it's not lack of gratitude. It's simply your body saying, this is a lot. And honestly, you guys, it is a lot. The holidays are always exhausting. And then when you add on Other issues that you might have, like chronic health issues that make you even more exhausted. [00:05:36] It's just one big ball of tired, right? [00:05:41] So I want you to hear this. You do not owe anyone a perfect, perfectly curated holiday. Like, stop thinking that you have to have a Pinterest Christmas or a Pinterest holiday. You do not. You do not have to overextend yourself to prove your love. You do not have to run yourself into burnout to create magic. Your presence is enough. Your effort is enough. Your family, I'm going to say it again. Your family does not need a Pinterest perfect Christmas. They need you. And if simplifying things gives you more peace, that is holy, that is good, and that is allowed. [00:06:21] So what can we do? Like, what little shifts can we make that make a difference? [00:06:27] Pick the non negotiables. Like what matters most, Keep those and let the rest go. Outsource where you can store bought cookies count and they're yummy and delicious. [00:06:38] Build in alone time. So make it a part of the plan, like not an afterthought. Make sure that you have, you know, like if you need to go in a different room for 10 minutes to calm down or breathe, do some grounding. Make sure that you have that time built in. [00:06:53] Say maybe instead of yes, give your space. Give yourself space to decide. I think that sometimes we're so quick to want to say, yeah, I'll do that. Yeah, I'll do that. And then at the last minute, I know I do this all the time. Like one day I'm feeling good, I'm pumped, I am full of energy. And I'm like, yes, we're gonna go do that tomorrow. We're gonna do that in a couple hours. And then that time comes and I'm like, I really truly wish that I did not commit myself to that. [00:07:20] So maybe if we change the way that we approach approach, like scheduling our time and our energy, maybe then we won't feel like as bad when we decide that that's not something that we're physically able to do that day. [00:07:37] Maybe like lower the bar. Holiday magic does not require perfection. [00:07:43] Give your inner child something simple to enjoy. [00:07:47] This, this can be like something so sweet. Like watching. [00:07:53] I used to absolutely love to watch the movie the Grinch with Jim Carrey. Like, that's my holiday movie. Or the Santa Claus with Tim Allen. The first one, the classic, those are things. And like my husband's favorite is Home Alone or Elf. [00:08:10] Like, just give yourself something that reminds you of, like the nostalgic holiday feel like hot cocoa, lights, music, little things like that matter. And in my opinion, that's what the holidays are about. It's not about all the hustle and bustle. It's about the magical feeling of enjoying your family and just truly remembering what you're grateful for and what the holidays are actually about. [00:08:34] So here's what I want you to remember. The holidays do not have to be all joy or all exhaustion. They can be a mix. Messy and beautiful at the same time. And if the season feels heavier than usual, you're not alone. You're not failing. You're navigating real life with a heart that still wants to show up for the people that you love. [00:08:54] You have to build new traditions now that your life looks a little bit different, that your health looks a little bit different, that your mental state looks a little bit different. And that's okay. Building new things is beautiful. Think about, like, fall when the. [00:09:07] All the leaves fall off and then they come back and it's beautiful. So that's what you are going to do. You're going to shed the old and you're going to create new, beautiful things. [00:09:16] And that is strength. That is resilience. [00:09:20] That is your glow in the chaos. [00:09:22] Thank you so much for being here with me today. [00:09:25] If this episode spoke to you, please share it, save it, or send it out to another woman who might need a little grace this season. I know a lot of people deal with this. [00:09:35] I've been having anxiety about it. We have the one day off from the restaurant that we own to go enjoy Thanksgiving with our family, and then we turn around and come back for two busy, busy days at the restaurant. So that alone is exhausting. So I'm having a little bit of anxiety going into that. But so if everybody could send me your love and your positive vibes, and I'm sure you can probably hear I'm a little congested as well, so already not feeling the best. But we got this, you guys. We are going to enjoy every single messy, chaotic moment of this holiday season, and we are going to make it beautiful. I love you all and I will see you in the next episode. And until then, please remember to glow in the chaos. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.